I have been seeing David for 18 months now. We’ve gone to my company picnic and my company Christmas party. My whole family knows him and most of my friends.  He calls two or three times daily and sometimes plans things that include the both of us.
         
On one or two occasions, he’s told me he loves me, but when I call him sweetie, he noticeably shrieks. Then he starts referring to me as his friend. “FRIEND,” he might say, “let’s go grab a bite and a movie.” Or he might send me a text message that says, “I really appreciate your friendship.”  Yet, when I mention that I am going out, or if I don’t answer his calls at night, he has a jealous fit. I am getting mixed signals. I don’t know if this man really loves me or not. Should I stay or should I go? How can I tell if he really loves me? Help!  ~Kathy

    Sadly, mixed signals are nothing new. In fact, they began in the Garden of Eden when Adam blatantly told God, this woman, which You have given me, caused me to sin and fall short of Your glory. Among other things, by this answer, Adam shunned his responsibility as
protector of his wife. He got out, but "left her in the burning house," so to speak. Imagine
Eve, full of remorse, her head tilting downward in shame, then hearing these words from
her man. These words from the man who, maybe within the last hour, told her she was
everything to him. Talk about mixed signals. I’m sure Eve had to ask herself: “Does he
really love me?” and “If he really loved me, how could he…?”

Well, times have changed, but these questions have not. Whether we are in love or
in the pursuit of love, we have to suffer one another and endure one another. This means
taking emotional and sometimes physical risks with the one we care for, not knowing for certain if that other person feels the same.

As a man, I can only speak from the perspective of a man, and because I am an individual, all I can do is give you one man’s thoughts on how I think a real Christian man shows his love to a woman.

First of all, Christian or not, the question of commitment comes into play. As we see in our opening scenario, Kathy clearly wants to be with David, but we can’t be sure if David feels the same. Mixed signals indeed! Kathy has put herself out there for all her family and the world to see that she claims and proclaims him as her man, before it is indeed fact! From what I can tell, David has feelings toward Kathy, but he shies away from making it public because maybe they aren’t on the same page! David doesn’t seem to be ready for a committed relationship, at least, not with Kathy. When either partner in a relationship isn’t willing to go public with it, that is a red flag that both parties aren’t on the same page.

That being said… when a man loves a woman, he will let her know!

1. When a Man Loves A Woman…
He will let her know by sharing his best with her. Whatever his gifts and talents, he will open up to her and make sure she is a part or at least understands what he is bringing to the table.
He is seeking her acceptance and adoration.

2. When a Man Loves A Woman…
He will creatively express to her that she is unique and special to him. A bouquet of flowers or box of candy may not be the sign, but taking her to his favorite spot on the lake and picking flowers for her hair along the way… yeah, that might be the sign to look for. Or, maybe he writes her a poem or dedicates a song to her. He may not be the best with words, but in his own way he will express how much she means to him in a special way.

3. When a Man Loves A Woman…
He will be interested and attentive to her views and ideologies. He will want to know what makes her tick. Most men want a conversational partner that can bounce back and forth and share a laugh on any given subject!

4. When a Man Loves A Woman…
He has time to earnestly listen! Sometimes, even when he’s busy, he will stop just to hear the melody of his special woman’s voice speaking in his ear. He wants to get to know her. He wants to be the spark in her eye, the one and only man she loves.

5.  When a Man Loves A Woman…
He becomes a man of action! Love is a word that denotes action, and if a man truly loves, he
will act on it, simple as that! A good, loving man is one who has heard the woman he loves,
and will do, on his own accord, those things she's shared, not dumped, on him. Most men
hear a woman the first time, believe it or not! When she nags, she might get what she asks,
but for the wrong reasons, and not in the right spirit. Consequently, she may have lost ground
when she wanted to go forward!

It’s been said that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, and that we are worlds apart. I don’t necessarily agree with that. Most men, especially true Christian men, are compelled by God to do the right thing, which is to seek and find a virtuous woman--one whom he will honestly love, cherish and protect. Don’t forget, a man needs to feel he’s a man by being in position to rescue his princess! But make sure you are his princess before you reveal too much.

Ladies, when a man asks you what’s on your mind, don’t waste the opportunity by dumping your worries and concerns on him. This is critical because you can chase Prince Charming away with too much too soon. Pace yourself. Most men appreciate a woman who is human and capable of making mistakes. He knows that her life may not be perfect, that’s one thing they have in common from the start. But, particularly in the beginning stages of a relationship, he is making mental notes, observing how much you respect yourself, as well as your sense of self-worth and self-composure. Don’t overwhelm him with all of your problems. He is not looking to be an instant rescue ranger! You still need to rely on the Lord.
   
If I were talking face-to-face with Kathy, I would share this insight to help her determine if she should let David go his own way. I would also ask her a few more questions to help her see clearly: Is David balanced? Are his dreams and visions compatible with yours? Can you and he see the shared big picture and sacrifice until the goal is achieved? Is God the common denominator in your lives?

The last question carries the heaviest weight and is key in being reassured of a potential mate. Does your man love God first? Does he? If the answer is yes, you’ve got a great chance to find your happiness!

Only with God being first in both your lives do you have  common ground--a rescue point to reach when you and your man can’t see eye to eye. For it is God’s vision, not yours, that will keep your relationship from division!

In all things keep God first! God is love and He defines the way it’s supposed to be! First Corinthians Chapter 13 displays the behavior we should adopt when dealing with one another, and it is a good measuring stick to be able to tell if someone really loves you!

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
First Corinthians 13:4-7

Lastly, I urge you to seek heavenly direction and pray! If you and your man pray together, odds are the love is sincere and you have a future together. <END>
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When a Man Loves a Woman…
Ways to Tell If He Really Loves You...
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