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Faithful Fellowship Church
Bishop Wayman Parks and First Lady Wydrika Parks
810 Westmont Rd., SW, Atlanta, GA 30310
404.755.0387 ~ Sunday Worship: 11am,
Wed Bible Study 7pm
by Genikwa R. Williams
The kids are all tucked in for the night. Your wife quietly prepares for bed. So you decide to take advantage of this time of solitude to catch up on a few projects from work.
Sitting there alone in your office downstairs, typing away on your computer keyboard, your mind begins to wander. You begin to think about seeing “her” again. As beads of sweat begin to form on your brow, you quickly glance over your shoulder. You’re safe. Your wife is still upstairs.
After a few seconds, your heartbeat seems to be pounding into your throat, racing as fast as your thoughts of being with “her” just once more. An all-too familiar voice in your head quietly urges, “Don’t do it.”
“I’m not hurting anybody,” you say to yourself. “I’m not doing anything that bad, am I?”
Two more seconds pass and your foot is about to tap a hole into the hardwood floor beneath your desk. “Click” goes the mouse. The sound seems to reverberate throughout the room. Now your heart is about to explode. Your body is on fire. And your mind can’t contain your thoughts anymore as you anticipate seeing “her” again…
_________________________
That fictitious scene may have raised quite a few eyebrows. But the sad truth is that scenarios just like this are regularly being played out in millions of homes across the country. Men of every background—married, single, old, young, rich, poor, black, white, saved and unsaved—are participating in Internet pornography, online sex chat rooms, adulterous or homosexual affairs, and an array of other licentious activities every day.
Sexually immoral behavior, like a serpent slithering through tall grass, is an insidious stalker just waiting for its chance to strike a deadly blow. Death and devastation—everything from disease, guilt, humiliation, and depression to shattered families and lost trust—are always left in its wake. And because of its shameful nature, sexual deviance is almost always shrouded in secrecy—making it even harder for those struggling to break free to get help.
SEXUAL SIN RUNNING RAMPANT
(EVEN IN GOD’S HOUSE)
Everywhere you turn today, you can find a report of some form of sexual immorality, even among professing Christians. Pastors engaging in homosexuality and pedophilia. Deacons “shacking up.” Some believer soliciting prostitutes. And so on. The statistics on this deviant behavior are quite alarming:
More than 70% of men between the ages of 18 to 34 visit a pornographic site in a typical month. (1)
More than 70% of men between the ages of 18 to 34 visit a pornographic site in a typical month. (1)In a 2006 study by researchers at the University of Minnesota Morris, 69% of American men indicated they had solicited a prostitute and for 15%, prostitutes were a regular source of sex. (2)
In a 2006 study by researchers at the University of Minnesota Morris, 69% of American men indicated they had solicited a prostitute and for 15%, prostitutes were a regular source of sex. (2)64% of Christian leaders confirm that they are struggling with sexual addiction or sexual compulsion, including but not limited to the use of pornography, masturbation, and other secret sexual activities. (3)
64% of Christian leaders confirm that they are struggling with sexual addiction or sexual compulsion, including but not limited to the use of pornography, masturbation, and other secret sexual activities. (3)In March 2002, Pastor Rick Warren’s website, Pastors.com, conducted a survey on porn use of 1,351 pastors. 54% had viewed Internet pornography within the last year, with 30% admitting they visited a porn site at least a month before taking the survey. (4)
In March 2002, Pastor Rick Warren’s website, Pastors.com, conducted a survey on porn use of 1,351 pastors. 54% had viewed Internet pornography within the last year, with 30% admitting they visited a porn site at least a month before taking the survey. (4)53% of men who went to a convention hosted by international men’s ministry Promise Keepers had looked at some form of pornography the week prior to the event. (3)
53% of men who went to a convention hosted by international men’s ministry Promise Keepers had looked at some form of pornography the week prior to the event. (3) Pornographic movie rentals at hotels increase more during Christian gathering events than at any other time of the year. (3)
Pornographic movie rentals at hotels increase more during Christian gathering events than at any other time of the year. (3)11 years old is the average age of the first exposure to pornography. (3)
11 years old is the average age of the first exposure to pornography. (3)The problem of sexual immorality is not a new one for the church, said Robert S. Scott, Sr., general editor of Secret Sex Wars: A Battle Cry for Purity (Moody Publishers/Lift Every Voice, 2008). But with the constant degradation of morals, desensitization of society in general, and the pervasiveness of sexually provocative images, music lyrics, and other lures—particularly through the Internet—the problem has escalated to epidemic proportions.
Simply put: It’s way too easy to find sex everywhere these days. “Back in the day, if you wanted to go to a peep show it was humiliating. You had to put on a long trench coat, a false beard, and some funny glasses and a hat, and sneak in there if you were a Christian,” said Scott, pastor-teacher of Los Angeles Community Bible Church in Los Angeles, CA. “But now what pornography has done via the Internet has made it so accessible. You don’t have to go outside of the comfort of a closed door in your home or even your office at work. It’s right there. Everything you don’t want to imagine and then some.”
“It’s so thoroughly addicting,” he said. Pastor Scott and six other pastors from the Los Angeles, CA area wrote Secret Sex Wars to confront the growing problem of sexual impurity in the church today and provide sound biblical guidance, as well as personal stories of deliverance, to help men resist and overcome the lure of sexual temptation.
As far as our relationship with God is concerned, Scott noted, sin is sin. It doesn’t matter if it’s cold-blooded murder, grand larceny, or a little creative accounting at tax time. It’s all the same to Him. But sexual sin reaches a depth that others don’t, he said, pointing to 1 Corinthians 6:17-19, which says:
“But the person who is united to the Lord becomes one spirit with Him. Shun immorality and all sexual looseness [flee from impurity in thought, word, or deed]. Any other sin which a man commits is one outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, Whom you have received [as a Gift] from God? You are not your own…(AMP, emphasis added)”
The body of a believer is filled with the Holy Ghost—the Spirit of the Living God. As such, it is His temple…the place He inhabits or indwells. Scriptures repeatedly refer to the dwelling place of God as “holy” (Exodus 15:13; Deut. 26:15; 2 Chron. 30:27; Psalm 68:5; et al.) and those who defiled His temple were often dealt with very harshly.
LIVING SEXUALLY PURE
But for Christians stuck in this world of “1-800-DIAL just about everything sinful,” living according to God’s high standard can be extremely difficult. There is an intense war raging between sexual temptation and the holy lifestyle that God wants for all of His people. The battle is particularly difficult for Christian men, according to Anthony D. Kidd, another contributor in Secret Sex Wars.
“Sexual sin is a unique temptation and challenge for Christian men,” said Kidd, pastor of Westside Bible Church and a professor at the Los Angeles Bible Training School, both in LA. Furthermore, he added, “This is an equal opportunity vice. It’s not just older men or middle-age men. It hits the young men and even teenagers, married and single men as well.”
“This book is just a way for us to get some tools and biblical principles out there and into their hands to address what is clearly a very common struggle for men in the Christian community,” he continued.
Co-contributor H.B. Charles, Jr., pastor of Mt. Sinai Missionary Baptist Church in LA, said God’s standards for sexual purity are extremely high, but they are attainable when people put their faith in Him through Jesus Christ.
“By being filled with the Holy Spirit, there is help available. This is not merely a human effort to try to change behavior patterns,” said Charles. “God is partnering with us that we might live a life that pleases Him and honors Christ. And He enables us to do that.”
THE WAY OF ESCAPE
For men caught in the bonds of sexual sin and the pastors, wives, family, and friends who love them, the authors of Secret Sex Wars offer the following advice to help you break free:
Seek salvation through Jesus Christ.
Throughout its pages, the book emphasizes that “sound doctrine” is the foundation for every aspect of the believer’s life. And being truly born-again, Pastor Kidd noted, is the first step toward freedom. Sadly, he said, many people claim they are Christians, but really are not. “The Gospel is the power of God unto salvation. If people are not saved, all they’re involved in, even if they’re fighting, is moral reform and that’s going to be a losing battle. You need the power of the Holy Spirit. You need the Word of God in the heart, transforming the heart…transforming the mind, so that this struggle can be one that we can achieve victory in,” said Pastor Kidd.
Churches across America must get back to preaching the Gospel, pure and simple.
“We have to make sure that the true Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ is being preached, and being believed, and being clung to by not just men, but by women as well. It starts in the pulpit and then we work our way from there.”
Share God’s forgiveness.
According to Romans 5:20-21, God’s grace is sufficient to cover any and every sin. “Do not let Satan convince you that your sins are so bad that God won’t forgive you or that you’re so far gone that God can’t help you,” said Pastor Kidd. “We know that the devil is a liar.”
Exercise strict discipline.
Throughout the Bible, God’s standard for purity is consistently very high. First Peter 1:15-16 admonishes, “15But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; 16Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy. (KJV)” Church pastors and other leaders must adhere to this strict standard of discipline by modeling it themselves and stressing it from the pulpit.
Practice being your “brother’s keeper.”
Galatians 6:1-2 reads, 1Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. 2Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. “We need to encourage each other with truth and be our brother’s keeper and love each other enough to share the truth very tactfully, very graciously,” said Pastor Scott. “Everybody needs to help everybody to win this battle.”
Stop the cover-up.
Expose secret sins by shedding the light of God’s Holy Word on it: “The Enemy would want us to keep this secret. In the corner, in the dark. We have to shed the light of God’s word on it. When you turn on the light, all kinds of stuff starts scattering around. We can no longer turn a blind eye to it. It’s like the big pink elephant in the living room that everybody knows exists, but doesn’t want to talk about it. We know that Deacon So-and-so is shacking up with Sister So-and-so, but because he’s gifted no one wants to talk about it. We know that the piano player is on the down low, but because he can play the piano, so well nobody wants to talk about it. We just have to repent of our cover-up. We have to expose it for what it is.”
Encourage men’s transparency among men.
For the most part, men don’t feel comfortable sharing their sexual struggles with anyone else, the authors agreed. “But the danger of the war is that it is a private one,” said Pastor Charles. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “9Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. 10For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” According to Pastor Charles, men need to “bear one another’s burdens”—form men’s fellowships, support groups, and accountability partnerships to help their brothers come out victoriously.
_________________________
Other contributors to Secret Sex Wars are: Paul Felix, president of the Los Angeles Bible Training School and an associate pastor at an LA-area church; Carl A. Hargrove, pastor of Fairview Heights Baptist Church in Inglewood, CA, and Adjunct Professor in the Pastoral Ministries Department at the University of Cincinnati; Brian Kennedy, senior pastor of Mt. Zion Baptist Church in Ontario, CA; and Victor Sholar, an associate pastor at Los Angeles Community Bible Church and Bible instructor at Los Angeles Bible Training School.
For more information about Secret Sex Wars: A Battle Cry for Purity, sexual purity, or any of the contributing authors, please visit www.secretsexwars.com.
Statistical Sources:
1 Data reported by Safe Families (www.safefamilies.org)
2 Data reported by University of Minnesota Morris (www.morris.umn.edu)
3 Data compiled by Pure Life Revolution (www.pureliferevolution.net)
4 Data provided by Urban Ministry (www.urbanministry.org)
Copyright © 2008 By Genikwa R. Williams
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GENIKWA R. WILLIAMS, a Christian freelance writer, is a publicist with Ministry Marketing Solutions, Inc. (www.ministrymarketingsolutions.com) and owner of Jordan Media Group, a budding ministry PR and marketing communications firm. She is also lead writer and creator of Everyday Repartee, a Christian devotional blog with “not-so-idle chitchat about everything under the sun and above it” (www.genikwawilliams.wordpress.com). Contact Information: E-mail ~ BeAll4Him@yahoo.com Address: P.O. Box 305, Willingboro, NJ 08046 Phone: 609-216-0268
© 2008 First Lady Magazine, LLC. All rights reserved. May not be duplicated without written permission. Click here or send all requests to permission@firstladymagazine.com. Or write: First Lady Magazine at PO Box 1233, Mableton, GA 30126.
Helping Men
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Sexual
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